according to the kabalarian philosophy, my name:

Your name of Alissa gives you a very idealistic but passive outlook on life. You desire culture and all the refinements of life but you are inclined to live in your dreams. Although you would like to do many things, procrastination undermines your accomplishment and success in life. You do not like to create issues and will do anything to avoid a conflict. Making decisions is difficult for you without the support and approval of others. This name gives you a very sensitive nature, making you feel much that you do not understand. Your feelings are easily hurt, at which times you are inclined to withdraw and become uncommunicative. Although you desire the friendship and association of others, you find it difficult to express your thoughts through the spoken word, and others find you hard to get to know. It is much more natural for you to express your deeper thoughts in writing. Inner tension can deplete your physical vitality. You are inclined to indulge in rich foods that lack proper nourishment. The physical weaknesses due to this name centre in the heart and respiratory organs, and in the fluid functions.

pretty damn accurate. it's interesting to me how much easier and more comfortable it is to communicate with writing instead of the spoken word. i have always been a very very (often too) sensitive person. 'you desire culture and all the refinements in life, but you are also inclined to live your dreams'...exactly. and the source of the inner conflict i have been dealing with for some time now....and, of course, this explains my incredible weakness for ice cream. :)

yesterday i went to the mall (ugh) in search of a wallet. and maybe a good sale at jcrew. if nothing else, somewhere cool and air conditioned. nope. all the wallets were ugly leather ones that my grandma would carry. jcrew had a good sale on bathing suits, but all the bottoms were size large, and the tops size small. uh, no. the air conditioning at jcrew was broken and the dressing rooms were little ovens. maybe they were trying to replicate the weather where you'd be wearing the suit? it was miserable.

but i did hear some interesting (well, kinda) music - walked into macy's from the parking garage (you have to go into macy's from the garage i parked in. i hate macy's). what do i hear? wilson phillips. 'hold on'. hahahahaHA! oh geez. i was in 8th grade again. i was frightened to discover i still knew the lyrics. i can't remember what time my doctor's appointment is today, yet i know the lyrics to a wilson phillips song? in jcrew i heard john mayer's 'no such thing'. it still trips me out to hear this guy on the radio. he is still that guy that we all heard off jenn's burned cd in charlottesville last year. finally, in american eagle, i heard the dave matthews band - 'where are you going'. now, hearing that doesn't suprise me, but, because i don't really listen to the radio (except npr), i somehow forget how big they are. then on the way out (back through macy's) i heard omd's 'if you leave'...reminding me of a very fun time in my life - the month before i left for college. friends and i would listen to this song quite a bit then. the anticipation. the anxiousness. the anguish of leaving my friends. the excitment of something new. i guess some of the same feelings i have been going through lately. i was embarassed that i felt tears in my eyes. shit. emotions.

If you leave, don't leave now
Please don't take my heart away
Promise me just one more night
Then we'll go our separate ways

With hours left time on our sides
Now it's fading fast
Every second every moment
We've got to--we've gotta make it last

I touch you once
I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd still be friends someday

If you leave I won't cry
I won't waste one single day
But if you leave don't look back
I'll be running the other way

Seven years went under the bridge
Like time was standing still
Heaven knows what happens now
You've got to--you've gotta say you will

I touch you once I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd meet again

I touch you once I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd still be friends

I touch you once I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd meet again someday

native american gothic

an article ran in this week's 'news & review' here in sac on indian gaming at cache creek. it is interesting to see how gaming has changed the native american culture. finally many tribes are financially successful - but at what cost? gambling has never been something i have understood - people think you'll actually make money doing it? didn't anyone take statistics? if you see it as pure entertainment with the bonus of *maybe* being really really lucky and limit the amount of money you will gamble with, i can kinda understand. but to play regularly in a noisy building that overwhelms your senses with bells, whistles and lights? what a waste. but, obvioiusly, gaming has brought prosperity to many tribes. now they want to expand the cache creek casino, located in an area where many organic farmers make their living.

The tribe’s goal is to expand the casino from 113,000 square feet to 313,000 square feet. In addition, the tribe also wants to construct a six-story, 300-room hotel; a 7,500-square-foot pool and spa; a five-story, 2,500-space garage; and a diesel power plant.

what do they think this is? las vegas? i agree that the american government walked all over the native americans. but it is truly sad that their only answer for financial independance (in fact, some tribes have grown quite wealthy) is casinos? THAT's all the government can do? they blew it a long time ago, and now this is how it's being 'fixed?

For example, the EE uses a rainy Thursday night in December as a benchmark for traffic figures. The architectural rendition of the expansion is also misleading, as it is not drawn to scale. The drawing shows the hillside towering above the hotel, but in reality the hills would be only slightly higher than the hotel roof.

an EE is environmental evaluation. the native americans made an agreement to produce this document instead of an EIS (environmental impact statement), which isn't required, since it is not federal (or technically state) land. hmph, seems like it's not much different than an EIS. why i don't work as an environmental planner. these documents aren't really about the preserving their environment. all to often there is a degree of bias. of course they are going to make the project look favorable - they want the money. and money always seems to win.

Campbell can’t help but reference the Native Americans’ own view of looking out for the next seven generations. “If you look at the resource degradation and potential depletion, they are jeopardizing their own long-term wellness,” says Campbell.

“Their intent is to take care of their tribal members--housing, health care, education ... not only for this generation but for future generations.”

i always liked this native american view of looking at seven generations. with our current practices, there is a likelihood that in seven generations this planet (if not hit by a meteor in 2019. but that's another story :) ) will not be habitable. they now have the short-sighteness that is prevelant almost everywhere in our culture. the only thing important is what we have now, not what may not be there in the future. it's disgusting. it's interesting to see how they see this as looking after future generations. because, in some ways they are doing something for those generations. but all they are doing is sending them down the same deplorable path as our culture. it's scary that is the only option to them.

“Our plan is to assimilate the Native Americans into the American way, to go after the American dream,”

i think that says it all. they faught hard to maintain the native american culture, yet now they want to assimilate them to the american culture. it seems so many aspire to our wasteful greedy ways. there is no way this planet could handle everyone (even a larger percentage) living the so-called 'american dream'.

i am starting to look for a job. hopefully in portland, or some kind of job at a camp or an outdoor school. i'd love to take the NOLS instructor course, and am getting the information together to apply. i think there are going to be many changes coming up in my life in the next year or so. i am really excited - new adventures - but also really damn scared. everything is very uncertain. which is ok, often good, but sometimes you just want to know! i'm fairly certain i have quoted this before here (at least to some of you on IM/email) but i always think of it when i am impatient with life:

i said to you the one gift which i'd adore
the package of the next 10 years unfolding
but you told me if i had my way i'd be bored

i am finishing up my resume, and listed all of the trips i have been on. i was actually quite shocked when i finished the list. i am fortunate to have been able to experience so many places. (but i still want to go to europe! and austrailia! anywhere i haven't been to, really). i think i may still be missing a few, but:

grand gultch, ut – backpacking and canyoneering
black canyon of the colorado river, az – weeklong canoe trip
grand canyon, az – havasupai backpack, with a basecamp and day hikes to the colorado river
jalisco, mexico – sea kayaking and hiking
yosemite national park, ca – numerous climbing (multi-pitch, trad and sport) and backpacking trips
joshua tree national park, ca – numerous climbing trips (multi-pitch, trad and sport)
central coast, ca – numerous sea kayaking trips
big sur, ca – numerous backpacking trips
sequoia national forest, ca – 10 mile snowshoeing trip
lake tahoe, ca – numerous backpacking trips, overnight snowshoeing trips, downhill and cross country skiing
pinnicles national monument, ca – numerous climbing trips (multi-pitch, sport)
the gunks, new paltz, ny – climbing (trad, mulit-pitch)
red rocks national park, nv – numerous climbing trips (sport)
smith rocks, bend, or – climbing (sport)
squamish, bc, canada – climbing (multi-pitch, trad), camping
whisler, bc, canada – backpacking, downhill skiing
lander, wy – climbing, participant in the climber’s festival
lover’s leap, ca – numerous climbing trips (multi-pitch, trad)
owens river gorge, ca – numerous climbing trips (sport)

i knew i'd forget some...
eldorado canyon/the flatirons, co - climbing (multi-pitch, sport)
tahquitz rock, ca - more climbing... :)

:) happy memories. this is what life's all about.

guess where i'm going saturday night? :)


my computer monitor is dying. i fear it has a terminal illness - funky grey lines across the screen and weird muted colors...not good.

No matter which style you prefer, remember that real Zinfandel is always red. - gourmet.com

yet another reason to be a red wine drinker. a glass of zinfandel, please. no, not that pink stuff! a big fat zin and dark chocolate. yum. try it sometime.

wow. dmb makes yahoo news headlines.

ah, the rest of the story. for obvious reasons, i just wasn't in the mood the past two days to finish typing it. on saturday we all went climbing at wild iris. they had a huge pancake breakfast (chocolate chip and banana ones, too!) at the crag, free chalk, and shoes to demo. i tried out some new shoes. did a couple of fun climbs, and headed back to lander for yet another free dinner and a slideshow about patagonia. (the place, not the clothing company :) ). before the slideshow, they finished the giant raffle they had been running, where everyone at the festival had one entry. i tend to have good raffle karma, but so far only one person in our group had won something. they gave away a bunch of tshirts and hats, and some bigger prizes. the only thing i really needed was a headlamp, as i lost mine on my nols trip. first, jonathon won a tshirt, belt and hat. then kelly won a sweatshirt. then julie won a backpack. then i won a pair of patagonia (the clothing company, not the place ;) ) pants.

insteresting story about the pants. i bought the same pair over a year ago. i loved them - even broke down and paid full price for them. after about 6 months of wearing them, the seam began to come apart on them. patagonia has a great return policy, and will also repair any item of theirs that is damaged. so i called them and they said to send them in, which i did. about a week after i sent them, they called and said they couldn't repair them, but would be happy to send me a new pair. unfortunately, they no longer had black, only purple. ick. if i didn't like purple, they'd refund my money, no problem. so, i bought these pants, wore them for 6 months, and then got my money back. :) i didn't rebuy the same pants, because i still couldn't find black ones. then i won them at the festival. two pairs of pants and neither of them cost me any money! :)

and then, dan won a black diamond headlamp, the one i had been exclaiming over because you can get 1000 hours of l.e.d. light out of just 3 AA batteries. woo! good raffle karma once again. :) part III to come...

first dan tells me he thinks it would be best if i moved out and got a job in portland.

then, i find out my grandmother has passed away.

finally, i lost my wallet.

they say bad things happen in threes. i hope it's only in threes. i don't need to deal with a fourth.

i was just nowhere near your neighborhood....

something today - i'm still not quite sure what is was - made me think of the movie 'singles'. definately in the alissa top 5. i don't like many movies, but when i like one, i *really* like it. i remember watching it at 17, thinking somehow that's how life would be when i was late 20-thirtysomething. obviously, it's not. i relate to it differently now, at 27. i haven't watched it in a few years. i think i might go rent it tonight. or at least listen to the soundtrack, which is wonderful.

all my life...waiting for somebody...

------!

each time a man stands up for an ideal or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope. -robert f. kennedy

hope. noun. a desire for the future to be as good as you want it to be - cambridge international dictionary

pictures! wyoming! pictures!
now they have captions, so you don't have to wonder where the pictures are taken/who the people are. dan and i caravaned from sacramento to lander with his friends jonathon and kelly. took us 17 hours. hmm. at bonnaroo, it took me 17 hours to go 20 miles. this time i was able to travel 1000 miles in 17 hours. i think i prefer the 1000 mile version, even if the nevada desert is a VERY boring place to drive across. we arrived at 2am, threw up the tents in the city park (free camping! woo.) and slept. and slept. well, i slept less, as i had been sleeping most of the drive. :) sometimes it's good dan doesn't like my driving.

the next morning we did trail work in the sinks. no, not like your kitchen kind. it's a cool area where the river disappears into a rock and then reappears .

The park is founded around a natural phenomenon where the entire Middle Popo Agie River plunges and disappears into a limestone cavern, the Sinks. The river reappears .5 mile later as a large spring named The Rise. It's interesting to note that the volume of The Rise is greater than the water volume vanishing into The Sinks. When a harmless dye was released into The Sinks, it took over two hours before it reappeared at The Rise. Where the extra water comes from, and why the swiftly moving river requires such a time period to travel a half mile remain mysteries. from:http://www.landerbarandgrill.com/adventure.htm

.
we did some easy trail work (all the tools were being used by the firefighters in the west). they brought lunch to us and everything! lots of free cliff bars, nalgene bottles, tshirts and a ticket for a $5 discount on the festival ticket. not bad! while we were up there we met julie, who was taking pictures for a rock & ice story. we also met paul and julie, old friends from college.

that night we had a free catered dinner by a bbq restaurant. (they had veggie burgers, too. :) ), then a party at the lander bar. i crashed early, still out of it from the drive.

the next day they had a trade fair, where climbing companies set up booths to display and/or sell their goods. fortunately, i was there early and hit the patagonia booth - they had women's climbing clothing - $5 or $10. considering everything they sell is at least $25, these were some killer deals. (mm. i love good deals). i spent $40 and ended up with $125 worth of clothing. not bad. dan bought some funky clogs, and we both bought some super huge ceramic mugs that a local climber was selling. hung out, talked to people (being with a bunch of rock geeks is fun. really.), watched the dyno (leap to a hold way off the ground) competition, the tug of war (mm. very strong guys.) and then took the 'ice cream clinic', where we made toasted almond coconut and banoffee (banana coffee. sounds weird, but is really good) ice creams. the perfect treat.

blah blah blah...haha. totally rambling. this isn't that exciting. i'll finish it up in a less verbose way tomorrow.

um, dan just told me to find a job and move to portland.

i'm still tweaking a little, but the pictures are up. stories tomorrow. :)

me going down the natural waterslide we found on the trail. pretty amazing. and fun. and cold! (warning: this is a video and will open in a new window. if it doesn't work, try downloading it and opening it in quicktime)

wheeeee!

i'll have the pictures up soon!!

yay! a birkenstock store in sacramento. FINALLY. though, this could be a dangerous thing. 15 pairs and counting. i'm a birkenstock addict. maybe i can win one of the free pairs....

yet another reason not to eat meat. you never hear them recalling tofu becuase of e.coli...

ConAgra to Recall 18 Million Lbs of Beef

downloaded the pictures (all 217 of them! whew.) have to go through and edit them, pick out the good ones, etc. but, for now, a shot that i love. this is the sunset in tahoe last night.

i'm back! don't get too excited. :) wyoming was awesome...lots of stories...and pictures...soon, i promise!!!

finally! new dates!!!

jack johnson. fall 2002
10/10/2002 Santa Barbara,CA - Santa Barbara County Bowl
10/11/2002 Los Angeles,CA - Greek Theatre
10/13/2002 Avila Beach,CA - Avila Beach Resort
10/15/2002 Vancouver, Canada,BC - Orpheum Theatre
10/16/2002 Seattle,WA - Paramount Theatre
10/18/2002 Berkeley,CA - Greek Theatre
10/20/2002 Salt Lake City,UT - Kinsbury Hall

i can't believe he's playing the avila beach resort. when i was a planning student in san luis obispo, we spend one year writing a community plan for a town. the year i was in school, we did avila beach. avila was a tiny beach town of about 400 people, 10 miles or so from san luis. for many years boats brought oil to an industrial pier there, and oil was stored in tanks behind the town.

in the early 90s, they discovered that oil had been leaking from the pipelines under the town for years upon years. the solution? tear down the entire town, haul away all the contaminated dirt, clean the dirt (clean dirt? go figure) then replace it, building a new town on top.

it *was* a very funky 60s style beach town without commerical development. it was very cool.

our job was to plan the new town. making it 'new' but still 'funky'. planning funky isn't easy. funky just happens. the city actually used a lot of my classes' ideas for the 'real' plan, which was very cool.

anyways...it's strange to think of concerts being played there!!

Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurres to me What a long, strange trip it's been.

off again. climbing festival in lander, wyoming. not much in lander. or wyoming, for that matter. but there is great climbing. what more do you need?

roadtrippin' it this time...17 hours or so. oh joy. when i was a kid, we drove across the country every year. never really thought twice about it - that was just how we traveled. the four of us in mr. van, with a 'keep on truckin'' logo painted on the back, red and black shag carpet - and a vcr, tv and smufs videos! mind you, this was in 1982 or so. my dad owned an early vcr (you know, those things we had before dvds ;) ), and hooked it up in the back for jaime and i to watch. now, every other soccer mom in her suv has one. we started a trend! ha. well, maybe not.

funny, though, because now i think they're ridiculous. maybe because all we had was one smurf tape and 'darby o'gill and the little people' (that movie freaked me out), so it got old fast. we much preferred the license plate game, find letters on road signs game (thank god for exits - you were guaranteed to find your 'x' easily!), listen to billy joel 8 tracks and watch the barren countryside go by. THAT's what roadtripping was about. not 15 disney videos to keep your kids quiet so you can ignore them the whole drive. those drives are some of my fondest memories growing up. hey, am i old enough to even HAVE fondest memories? geez. that must mean i'm a grown up....nahhhh...

now i have a 92 cd case (could you imagine 92 8-tracks?? you'd need a bigger van to store them!), dramamine (grr. roadsickness.), books...and i am going someplace i have never been before. for all the hours i spent driving across the country, i never have been to the 'far north' - wyoming, idaho, montana, wisconsin...new places. i love new places.

maybe i'll just hop in my car when we get back from this trip and see where it takes me. how fun would that be?

good thing most of us don't live in zapopan, mexico.

Mexican City Bans Swearing and Puzzled Residents Wonder What It Means

interesting. what are considered bad words? what about words that are only bad if used in a certain context? what if you accidently utter one in everday conversation? screaming obcenities is one thing, but supposed you muttered 'fuck' under your breath and the person you are conversing with won't stand for bad words. $400 or 36 hours in jail for you! hmm...what if you say 'bad words'...what happens then???

some mornings i wake up - maybe it's from a bad dream i never seem to remember - with this sense of helplessness, worry, and a terrible feeling i'm in the wrong place. at the wrong time. doing the wrong thing. hence, i was wide awake at 4:30am.

why don't i ever wake up with the feeling that i know what the right place and right things are? i guess that will just happen at the right time.

more song quotes:

i stood without clothes
i danced in the sand
i was aching with freedom
kissing the damned
i said remember this
is how it should be

for some reason, eating breakfast the other morning, i thought about the days when you ate cereal for the sole purpose of getting to whatever prize was inside. and how estatic you were when the prize wasn't in the bottom of the cereal bag, but in the bottom of the box, so that you could get it before you ate the whole box. or before you plunged your hand (when mom wasn't looking, of course) deep into the bag, feeling for that slippery plastic that enclosed the secret decoder ring. maybe next time you buy cereal, pretend you're a kid again. pick the box with the best prize. the highest sugar content. pour a big bowl and eat it for dinner in front of the tv. (gasp! i just encouraged tv watching. do it sunday night, so at least you can watch the simpsons. some of the only tv worth watching) ah, not only do you get the satisfaction of eating the cereal mom never let you buy, the ability to eat in front of the tv, to eat cereal for dinner - but you get the glow in the dark yo-yo, too.

hmm...reading this again, i am craving cookie crisp. i used to love that cereal. i think they still make it...

This is a song about that moment in your life
cuz every one has that moment where you got these dreams
and you follow it up to a certain point when you're a child
you can be 6 and want to be an astronaut
you can be 10 and want to be a fireman
you can be 16 and want to be a rock n roll star
when at some point you're 25 and you don't know anymore
and you sit there in your room and you think to your self
well, I'm not sure its ok to just sit there
and dream all day long
Maybe this is gonna be my life?
or am I gonna do something else?
And then there comes some day where you
just decide this is what I am
or you decide this is not what I am and you do something else
Where ever you are on that day you come through the door
and everything's different on the other side-adam duritz, round here...cleveland - 11.12.99

damn. i am reading some of the press from bonnaroo...i have goosebumps. it was such an awesome experience. here are a few, and you can find all of the articles, as well as pictures and music downloads at www.bonnaroo.com

MTV
the tennessean
usa today

''All of these people had Woodstock on their mind,'' said Nashville's Bob Goldstone, who books in-store concerts for Tower Records and who once worked with Bonnaroo headliner Widespread Panic.

''They all look back to that period that their heroes came out of, and they would like to relive it with their own peers and their own music. It's all about letting the music move you. This lifestyle is not going away.''
---!

"three days of peace, love and music.''
exactly. why can't all days be full of peace love and music?

scared someone in your house is going to eat your ben and jerry's? this is a serious, thing, ya know? nothing like taking out that once-full pint and discovering that someone ate out all the good stuff! not that i would do anything like that.... ;)

but your ice cream can be saved! ben and jerry's now makes a pint lock. they call it the "euphori-lock". hilarious.

um, i got a tattoo. been thinking about it for awhile, and figured, fuck it, why not today? tristina took me where she got hers done. it didn't hurt that much, really. only took about 15 minutes. i'm stoked. :) it's on my left hip. my digital camera is acting up, but here is what it looks like (i designed it after much leaf research :) ):

it's an oak leaf....i knew i wanted a leaf, and after researching it, decided on an oak:

its celtic symbolism: The Oak represents the trial we all go through in life while changing and becoming that whom we are meant to be - we must also consider the greater good and moral responsibilities. It represents the soul, which in Celtic terms is the "eye of god." Change, sacrifice, and understanding. The Oak is the seventh month on the Celtic Tree Calendar. The Oak represents power, protection, strength, endurance, triumph, dominion, prosperity, sacrifice, guardian, liberator, success and stability

and...Oak people are robust, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, do not love changes, keep its feet on the ground, and is a person of action. Even when faced with over riding stressors, the oak person comes out on top better and stronger and more grounded than before. Instead of bending under stress and hurts, Oak people adapt and grow until they overcome the hurts, pains or stressors.

update...here is is on me :P :

kids love bubble gum ice cream. some adults do, too.

everyone loves mint chip ice cream. (except me)

why don't they make bubble chip (bubblemint? mintgum?) ice cream?

chocolate ice cream with spearamint gumballs. mint ice cream with mint gumballs and a swirl of fudge?

why haven't they done this before?

quietly you say to me, the time has come for you to be alive again.-trey anastasio.