still here. well, here is a different here than it was last week, so still alive is probably a better term.

i thought my life was going to end in december, when my job contract ended. well, my job contract, due to problems in relations with my boss, ended last friday. i am now unemployed. that same afternoon i rear-ended a car in grand rapids. if you get an ticket (which i got for 'not allowing a safe distance') in michigan and you have an out-of-state license, they take your license away in lieu of bond. meaning, until you pay your find, your ticket is your license. the officer didn't have much sympathy for the fact that i was moving the next day and couldn't go to the courthouse on monday to pay my ticket. he said i'd have to mail it in, and they'd mail it back. problem is, i had to mail in my ticket. so, i am also currently driver's license-less. i do have a north carolina ID card, though, thanks to the fiasco with that last spring.

the whole unemployment thing is embarassing - fired. by an incompetent boss. who was hyper-critical and (according to my coworkers) felt 'threatened' by my experience and age. whatever. i was told by coworkers, by kids, by teachers, by parents that i did a great job. it's unfair, but what can you do? suck it up. figure it was somehow meant to be. and move on.

with no job and no place to live, i ended up in waterloo, ontario, staying with the guy i am dating. (who's wonderful. :) )...not sure what's next. as shocking as it was to loose my job, it somehow was a relief - now i have plenty of time to figure out what's next.

the future is no place to place your better days....

yup, i'm still alive. sometimes it feels like barely lately. i hate complaining, but i also hate feeling so uncertain of my future. as of now my life ends in december...past then, i have no idea what i am doing, where i am going, where i will be living, who i will be.

it's driving me crazy.

Come and relax now, put your troubles down
No need to bear the weight of your worries here
Let them all fall away

four years ago today, i was married. october 9, 1999. my marriage ended six months ago. funny how long ago that day seems...a day i looked forward to for so long, and what it now represents. it's a strange feeling. those four years have been filled with many changes, suprises, relvelations. wonder where i'll be four years from now...

so what to do
with the rest of the day's afternoon?
hey isn't it strange
how it changed everything we did?
did i do all that i could? - dave matthews

isn't it strange how everything changes? you'd think we'd grow to expect it, but it always seems to catch us by suprise.

on another note, it's 80 degrees today. the weather here is bizarre.