my 'little' sister is pregnant. i'm gonna be an aunt! i'm excited but also, i dunno...suprised? it's just crazy. well, at least my stepmother won't be bugging me about a grandchild anymore!

ugh, it's been more than 20 days! terrible me. i don't know if anyone's reading here anymore, but so much has been going on. i'm going to do my very best to *really* keep up here again. i've started a new job, and have my *very own* internet connection. still don't have very much free time, but at least i can get on the computer whenever i damn well please!

made the trip to michigan safely - even towing my trusty dusty (and rusty!) uhaul 5x8 trailer with me. explored some new states: idaho, montana, north dakota, wisconsin and minnesota. the panhandle of idaho was beautiful! a true test of trailer driving, though, as it was quite a bit more mountainous than i had expected. and montana certainly is 'big sky' country. it was beautiful. pink and blue and purple storm clouds. then a rainbow. first just a tiny piece, but soon it arched over me in the sky. next thing i knew i was driving through a rainbow. it was the most amazing experience. then i was driving through a double rainbow. i was half expecting kermit de frog to appear and start singing 'the rainbow connection'! i was in awe. an amazing experience.

so many new experiences...first swim in a great lake: lake erie. first time really truly on my own. sometimes it just hits me, what i've done...a rush of emotion. but i know i've now made my decison to truly live. and nothing else could be better.

i went into the woods because i wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if i could not learn what it had to teach, and not when i came to die, discover that i had not truly lived - henry david thoreau

tomorrow morning, at 4am, i will drive away from this life in my subaru hauling a 5'x8' trailer holding what i'm taking into my new life.

i'm sad. not because it's the wrong choice, it's just a sad situation. it's a day that's been coming for so long, i guess i thought i'd be easier to face. who was i trying to fool?

i'm feeling really overwhelmed and don't know how to put it all into words right now. i have a lot to look forward to, and know there are good times ahead.

but for now i'm sad. and really fucking scared.