i was reading today about a man who decided to 're-live' his life and change the things he regretted. the ones that are possible to change, of course. i'm sure this was very fulfilling and life-affirming and all those other good things that women's magazines are always saying we should do for our 'wellness'.

what i have a harder time understanding is the desire to revisit these things, to somehow try to change the past. regret is for little things: 'oh, i wish i would've bought tickets to that show' or 'i wish i would've studied harder for this test'. too many people regret big things: not speaking to their family, working too much and not spending time with your family, not taking an opportunity when it arose. what an awful way to live - trapped in 'whatifs'. i prefer the 'whynots' and 'doits'.

we make many many choices in our lives, an overwhelming amount when you really think about all the decisions you make everyday. what kinds of cereal, what to wear, our route to work...we just make many of decisions so automatically that we don't realize there was even a decision there in the first place. that is, until a mini-crisis. you really wanted frosted flakes and there's only special k. your favourite skirt is at the drycleaner and you have a big presentation. hopefully you meet these with an 'oh well'. you wish you would've, but in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? nope. not worth wasting time worrying about.

this is what happens in other areas, too. of course you are going to spend a lot of time at work - you need the money. your brother was rude to you at the last family get-together, why should you be the one to call him? then there's a crisis. a child becomes gravely ill, and you realize that there's more to life than work and money. your brother is in a serious car accident, and you realize that trivial things are not worth holding grudges over. why isn't it the other way around? you think of the precious amount of time your kids will be well, kids and make adjustments in your life to make more time for them. we need to make more decisions from the heart, not the head. from the heart, then hope that the head will figure out some way to make it work. and it usually does.

if someone asked me to name my biggest regret, i wouldn't know what to say. likewise, something that i would change about my past. because i would not be the me of today without the me of yesterday, and i'm very happy with the me of today - the road may have been rocky at times, but in hindsight it looks like i was cruising across the open plains, convertible top down, sun bright in the sky...

(haha, hmm, maybe i've been reading too many magazines...i'm starting to sound like one! oh, another thing i learned in canada. the importance of a toque (tuke...it's the canadian word for winter hat. what do we call them in california, you ask? winter hats. d'oh), scarf and gloves. and with the way i lose all three of these things, i hope i make it thru the winter with at least one of my pairs of gloves!