i swear i have some thought-provking interesting ideas in my head...my brain has been in overdrive this week. unfortunately, i can't seem to get them to come out my fingertips. a few things, though, that i am realizing about myself:

• being a nols instructor/working in outdoor education has been my dream job since i was 18
  
  
• it was never 'practical' in my mind, and i couldn't imagine telling my parents that was my goal
  
  
• this is the reason why my planning/desk job was hell. it wasn't a 'bad' job, but i felt like i was being tortured, stuck behind that desk everyday
  
  
• doing what i was 'supposed' to do is not working for me. at. all. but, it's hard to think differently about it.
  
  
• i am scared to persue this goal - am i qualified? would i do a good job? shit, could i even get a job?
  
  
• i need to work somewhere where i can communicate with people...i thrive on social interaction
  
  
• i always dismissed the ideas about my life as 'not what i was supposed to do'...making them seem impossible. but the first way to make them happen is to imagine them as possible
  
  
• it's going to take a lot of courage, time, effort and determination.
  
  
• but i CAN do it.
  

i remember being in 5th grade, playing volleyball. now, i wasn't very athelteically inclined (especially in sports involving a ball). it was my turn to serve. i told ms. byron, my teacher, 'i CAN'T serve'...she said 'yes you can!'...i insisted that i couldn't do it. she told me 'the only way you are going to be able to do it is to think you can. say it. i can serve a volleyball'...i said it (with a little bit of attitude in my voice, i admit)...bam! i hit the ball. it sailed over the net. i did it. i really did it. that was 15 years ago...but that memory is so vivid in my mind...