every few months i receive 'the leader' - a periodical for NOLS alumni. every time i read one, i get goosebumps, realizing how much that month i spent in the southwestern desert changed me. that was a big step for me - taking something i've wanted to do since i was 18 and just doing it...going for it. ignoring what was 'practical' and what i was 'supposed' to do, and doing what i wanted to do, what would fulfill me. after that month, the thought of staying someplace i didn't want to be, in situations i didn't want to be in , in a job that was not satisfying just simply was not an option anymore. sure, going back to a desk job and 'normal' life would provide a more stable exisitance, knowing where i was going...now i just meander, paying attention to life, enjoying life...sometimes i hear that scared voice in the back of my head...'what ARE you doing?' (hmm, funny, it often sounds a lot like my father...). i know if i listen to that voice i will not get that feeling - that one where i know this is it, this is me, this is right...which is one of the best feelings, one that you can't 'pretend' is there - either it is, or it isn't.

i leave for michigan in two weeks, off for another adventure as an outdoor educator at a center in newaygo ('new' 'way' 'go' - exactly waht i am doing. :) ) i'm thinking now, as i leave this life behind, not without good memories, and move on to a new one...so many possibilities. maybe i'll go back and take another nols course - and outdoor educator one...hmm...