been finding time to read the books that i have been meaning to read. currently it's 'a language older than words' by derrick jensen. it examines our culture's relationship with the earth, with animals, and with each other. how our culture is headed toward collapse. the question is not IF it will collapse, but when. why when? why can't we persue another way? one that just may work? instead, we follow along, don't make waves, do what we are 'supposed' to do.

that is the trap i find myself in - what i am supposed to do vs. what i love. it is really difficult to me to admit i am not living the 'college degree house husband kids dog suburb' life, because that is what i feel i was raised to do. i was taught not how to figure out how to live using the money you make doing something you love, but to make lots of money doing something you hate so you can have the 'stuff' you love. i'd love to make the life i am living now feasible, but that seems impossible many days. i know it can be done, but it is against all that i have been programmed to be. moving here to north carolina was running away a bit, i guess. but i needed to get away to find out who i am. but i only feel like me when i AM away. i do trust, though, that however it is meant to be is how it will happen.

back to the book, i highly recommend it. i think there are a lot more people than many of us realize attempting to deny the trappings of our culture and live on their terms. there are chapters about animals, plants, people and the interconnectedness that exists between all of them. why does our culture seek to conquer everything? and why will we only be satisfied when we do? will we be satisfied? or will we destroy ourselves in the process?

a passage which i enjoyed...

the people in my classes did not need to be controlled, managed, even taught. what we needed was to be encouraged, accepted, and loved for just who we are. we needed not to be governed by a set of rules that would tell us what we needed to learn and what we needed to express, but to be given time in a supportive space to explore who we are and what we wanted, with the assisstance of others who had our own best interests at heart. i believe that is true not only for my students, but for all of us, human and nonhuman alike. all we want, whether we be honeybees, salmon, trash-collecting ants, ponderosa pines, coyotes, human beings or stars, is to love and be loved, to be accepted, cherished, and celebrated for simply being who we are. is that so very difficult?