10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
tomorrow it'll be single digits. i am absorbing the fact that in less than two weeks, i will be carrying my life on my back.

started reading one of my 'waiting to be read books' (i wish i had the willpower to wait to buy new books until i finished the ones i still need to read)...just bought it the other day - 'hope's edge'. it's a 'sequel' to fances moore lappe's 'diet for a small planet', which was a groundbreaking book examining how our food choices affect not only our health, but the planet's health. it was published 30 years ago, and this one picks up where it left off, co-authored by her daughter, anna.

at the car wash yesterday (after being asked by three different people what the fat book i was carrying was about. i was amazed at how many people seemed interested in what i was reading) i opened to the first page and started reading. three minutes later i was fighting tears. the words i read touched something inside of me - the piece of me that is seeking...'is what i am doing consonant with my own deep need to feel that my life counts, to know that i am using each day toward ends that really matter and acting on the care for others i feel?' bingo. it is a daunting wish in today's world, it seems.

i didn't make it too far into the book...i found myself rereading passages, skimming the chapters, the table of contents. some things that i found interesting...

do we continue burying out sense the something is profoundly wrong in the world we are creating, and therefore stay in denial of our truer selves; denial that produces fear so familiar that we hardly recognize it? or do we make another choice; do we choose to move into a cycle of hope?

we can choose to meet people and encounter events so powerful that they jar us out of our ordinary way of seeing the world, and open us to new, uplifting, and empowering possiblities. they call us to travel to hope's edge.

for us to heal our planet and to find joy in this challenging time, each of us must take an interior journey, on probing not only our unspoken fears but also our deepest beliefs about our nature as human beings.

there is so much more...i'm sure i'll have much more to say...maybe this will help my find where i am going. and i hope no one at the car wash noticed me brushing away tears under my sunglasses.